I’m evidently not crazy?!

I cannot shake the feeling that my post yesterday was very incomplete. On one hand, it was like me babbling to avoid having to say anything meaningful but on the other, it was me struggling with the competing voices to get SOMETHING out that would only materialize AFTER the babbling…NOT sure I am any more clear today, so you have been forewarned!

I have an acquaintance – friend who is published. I reached out to him and others about writing and all have said in order to be a writer, I must write. I love simplicity. It has a way of cutting right to the issue at hand dispelling all sideline antics.

I mentioned I feel at “war” with the world. Not everyone and everything, mind you, but with enough people and things to convince my already convinced mind that I must be stark raving mad. It’s simple and logical enough…Just today I heard some elected Republican in the state of PA defending the GOP gerrymandered state by saying that, while gerrymandered, the state legislature was more representative of the state’s general population. For non-Pennsylvania folks, the PA legislature has been definitively shown to be a product of gerrymandering which, by the very definition of gerrymandering, works to minimize the representation of one party at the expense of the party in power. It is therefore inherently NOT “more representative”. This elected official in attempting to defend gerrymandering said that in reference to the state of California where no districts are represented with people without advanced degrees, Pennsylvania IS represented by people without advanced degrees. Now true, not all Americans have advanced degrees and people without then ought to be able to be represented but I am quite sure that level of education is a justification for the gerrymandering vs a reasoned point to keep the gerrymandered structure in place. In a country where we vote for the most qualified candidate, trying to factor in education level would work against the less educated. YET, here is this elected official seemingly arguing that we ought have an affirmative action in place for ignorance. Here is where my already-convinced-that-I-am-crazy mind begins to further convince itself that it is spot on in thinking *I* must be the stark raving mad one. NOT this elected official, lol; ME. I can go on, citing numerous other examples of where I default to ME being the crazy one. Another conversation I found myself in today centered around education and how a well-off district can sit next to a much worse off district. In cases like this, people in the poorer district try and get their kids into the school systems of the better off districts. This is against the law and there are lots of “reasoned reasons” why. Kids from another district pull funds away from kids whose parents paid into the district. Ok, sure. AND parents who fund their own kids education ought not have to pay  to fund another kid’s education. Ummm, ok. Parents in better districts say things like, “I shouldn’t have to pay for another kids education”.

My stark raving mad thoughts? Pay now or pay later. If ‘those kids’ from ‘that district’ are offered a real education, they are less likely to resort to crime in YOUR district. Think this through…If I am a kid in a poor district next to YOU in a rich district, who am I more likely to try and steal from? Other poor people in my own district or rich people like you in that rich district? YOU can pay for an education for me NOW or pay taxes in the form of police to try and stop or catch me and taxes to jail me later if I am ever caught. Again, I am the crazy one here.

I have gotten better in this endless internal dialogue I have if being nuts. Therapy, medications, and talking to supportive people have helped. As has discovering what “support” is! More on that later though. Also what has helped has been other people affirming my thoughts. Lastly, the 6-hour neuropsychological testing I took helped me to see that I am likely much more intelligent than I had ever realized. Ends up I might not be ‘crazy’ at all and instead be a genius.

Still feeling ‘scattered’ here…Like I haven’t gotten to a “point”. Maybe this writing thing isn’t about making points? Perhaps it’s less about the points and more about the lines.


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